Career Failures and University Pressures
Have you ever felt like you haven’t achieved enough? Have you ever felt like everyone around you expects so much of you, and you feel like a failure because you haven’t met up to their expectations? Do you ever look around at everyone else achieving 'great' things and thinking ‘why isn’t that me?’. Me too.
Growing up, I, like many others my age, was led to believe that high achieving students in education would be guaranteed a successful, high earning future. Okay, perhaps not guaranteed, but it would certainly help.
I am not suggesting that this is untrue - many peers of mine who were high achieving in school have gone on to work successful careers in high paying fields. What I am instead suggesting, is that there is a level of pressure to continue to achieve following education. When this expectation is not met, it can severely effect mental health, in that it can create feelings of disappointment, embarrassment, and failure. This is my personal take on this whole situation.
I was never an A* student, and I didn’t fail my exams either - I coasted along at B/C grades in high school, which, in my school, meant I was a good student. I went on to achieve a first class degree at university, which is where my problems ultimately began.
It is important to note that I experienced a number of mental health issues while at university, namely anxiety, which I partially blame for my now negative feelings. I commuted to and from university, which left little time between lectures and assessment preparation to explore what the university had to offer. Looking back, I would have attempted to meet with career advisers, and perhaps made more of an effort to utilise my degree. Of course, this is me speaking as a now more confident and anxiety-free individual - at the time, this wouldn’t have been an option.
My fears surrounding my future stemmed from the daunting prospect that university is too costly to waste, and the aforementioned assumption that this degree should set me up for life. Once I had finished university, I felt pressured to find a job in that field straight away. As many of you will know, this is rarely a success with graduates, but it didn’t stop me from feeling the pressure.
I was happy and comfortable in a job in retail - what’s concerning is that while I’m typing this, I’m almost ashamed to say it. Even now, aged 24, I feel ashamed to say I work in retail. I am earning enough to pay my bills, I have moved away from home, and I’m happy... that should be the most important thing.
Shortly after I moved away from home, I developed depression... apologies for the dark turn. It was largely due to the stresses of moving away from loved ones into an alien city, but also due to deep rooted issues that my therapist helped me recognise. We discovered that moving away had resurfaced life-long feelings of low self-confidence; moving away often means a new start, and many had asked if I was moving away for work, again adding to the future career pressure. In reality, I had moved away to live with my boyfriend, and I had no plans for a career change. During this time, I had family members say to me ‘don’t let that degree go to waste’, and seeing others’ successful lives on Instagram (I know, I know) led to negative feelings about my own life and my own achievements. I felt upset, depressed, and spent most of my days feeling angry with myself for not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I enjoyed my degree, but the experience led me to realise that I did not feel passionate about working in that field. I didn’t even know what I felt really passionate about. Again, I feel guilty for typing this, but really I should not - I have since realised that many people feel the same way as I do about their future, and that it’s OKAY.
Based solely on uni grades, I appear an intelligent individual. However, ask me questions about all of those assessments now, and I wouldn’t have a clue. Of course, I learned many things over those 3 years, but really I just revised, sat the tests and passed. I could literally feel the information leave my brain as soon as the exams had finished. Perhaps it’s a case of memory. Perhaps there are issues with using this method of assessment to assess intelligence... but that’s for another debate.
So hear I am, sat with a first class degree, not using it, remembering little information about said degree, and feeling ashamed about all of it. Ugh.
I remember being in sixth form, and feeling that going to uni was the logical next step. I remember little information being given about not attending uni, and the pressure of writing cover letters and applying through UCAS. I didn’t even know what I wanted to study, so I chose a subject I enjoyed. As soon as I made that decision I felt stuck, like this was the field I should now be dedicated to for the rest of my life. It sounds silly now, but that’s how I felt as the time. I wish someone would have told my young, horrendously anxious self that this was not the case.
I decided to write about this as I have since learned that many others, particularly those in their twenties, have experienced the same feelings. I am also now more confident in myself to talk about this topic openly. Thank God for therapy!
While therapy had a large influence on how I overcame those feelings, there are things you can do to make you feel better.
Number one... while incredibly difficult for some (believe me, I know) it is important to try not to compare yourself to other people. I would spend every day looking through Instagram, seeing those I went to school with living their best lives. Now I see it everywhere - 'Instagram isn't reality' - and it's true. You never know how people are feeling behind their seemingly 'perfect' photos.
Number two... take a step back, and look at yourself. Are you happy? Because that should be the most important thing. I know it's difficult when people around you, particularly loved ones, are, perhaps unknowingly, forcing pressures on you to do other things with your life. But if you are happy... that honestly is all that matters.
Number three... BE YOU. Too cheesy? I'm not even sorry. Be yourself, do what makes you happy, ignore what everyone else has to say and, believe me, you can't go too wrong.
So, what have I learned...
I have learned that it is okay to not have a well paid, well respected, well sought after job after education. It is okay to work in retail, or other jobs that people may regard as being “average”. It is okay to DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. Feeling the pressure is hard, especially in your twenties. You don’t need to use your degree - you don’t even need to have a degree. You don’t need to follow the career paths that others have envisioned for you. You don’t need to follow a career path at all.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I know I wish I had someone telling these things to me.
Just live your life the way you want to, and make yourself happy. After all, life really is too short to worry. ❤️
 |
| [Michigan Health Blog, Michigan Medicine] |
Growing up, I, like many others my age, was led to believe that high achieving students in education would be guaranteed a successful, high earning future. Okay, perhaps not guaranteed, but it would certainly help.
I am not suggesting that this is untrue - many peers of mine who were high achieving in school have gone on to work successful careers in high paying fields. What I am instead suggesting, is that there is a level of pressure to continue to achieve following education. When this expectation is not met, it can severely effect mental health, in that it can create feelings of disappointment, embarrassment, and failure. This is my personal take on this whole situation.
 |
| [leafly.com] |
I was never an A* student, and I didn’t fail my exams either - I coasted along at B/C grades in high school, which, in my school, meant I was a good student. I went on to achieve a first class degree at university, which is where my problems ultimately began.
It is important to note that I experienced a number of mental health issues while at university, namely anxiety, which I partially blame for my now negative feelings. I commuted to and from university, which left little time between lectures and assessment preparation to explore what the university had to offer. Looking back, I would have attempted to meet with career advisers, and perhaps made more of an effort to utilise my degree. Of course, this is me speaking as a now more confident and anxiety-free individual - at the time, this wouldn’t have been an option.
My fears surrounding my future stemmed from the daunting prospect that university is too costly to waste, and the aforementioned assumption that this degree should set me up for life. Once I had finished university, I felt pressured to find a job in that field straight away. As many of you will know, this is rarely a success with graduates, but it didn’t stop me from feeling the pressure.
I was happy and comfortable in a job in retail - what’s concerning is that while I’m typing this, I’m almost ashamed to say it. Even now, aged 24, I feel ashamed to say I work in retail. I am earning enough to pay my bills, I have moved away from home, and I’m happy... that should be the most important thing.
Shortly after I moved away from home, I developed depression... apologies for the dark turn. It was largely due to the stresses of moving away from loved ones into an alien city, but also due to deep rooted issues that my therapist helped me recognise. We discovered that moving away had resurfaced life-long feelings of low self-confidence; moving away often means a new start, and many had asked if I was moving away for work, again adding to the future career pressure. In reality, I had moved away to live with my boyfriend, and I had no plans for a career change. During this time, I had family members say to me ‘don’t let that degree go to waste’, and seeing others’ successful lives on Instagram (I know, I know) led to negative feelings about my own life and my own achievements. I felt upset, depressed, and spent most of my days feeling angry with myself for not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I enjoyed my degree, but the experience led me to realise that I did not feel passionate about working in that field. I didn’t even know what I felt really passionate about. Again, I feel guilty for typing this, but really I should not - I have since realised that many people feel the same way as I do about their future, and that it’s OKAY.
Based solely on uni grades, I appear an intelligent individual. However, ask me questions about all of those assessments now, and I wouldn’t have a clue. Of course, I learned many things over those 3 years, but really I just revised, sat the tests and passed. I could literally feel the information leave my brain as soon as the exams had finished. Perhaps it’s a case of memory. Perhaps there are issues with using this method of assessment to assess intelligence... but that’s for another debate.
So hear I am, sat with a first class degree, not using it, remembering little information about said degree, and feeling ashamed about all of it. Ugh.
I remember being in sixth form, and feeling that going to uni was the logical next step. I remember little information being given about not attending uni, and the pressure of writing cover letters and applying through UCAS. I didn’t even know what I wanted to study, so I chose a subject I enjoyed. As soon as I made that decision I felt stuck, like this was the field I should now be dedicated to for the rest of my life. It sounds silly now, but that’s how I felt as the time. I wish someone would have told my young, horrendously anxious self that this was not the case.
I decided to write about this as I have since learned that many others, particularly those in their twenties, have experienced the same feelings. I am also now more confident in myself to talk about this topic openly. Thank God for therapy!
 |
| [reddit.com] |
Number one... while incredibly difficult for some (believe me, I know) it is important to try not to compare yourself to other people. I would spend every day looking through Instagram, seeing those I went to school with living their best lives. Now I see it everywhere - 'Instagram isn't reality' - and it's true. You never know how people are feeling behind their seemingly 'perfect' photos.
Number two... take a step back, and look at yourself. Are you happy? Because that should be the most important thing. I know it's difficult when people around you, particularly loved ones, are, perhaps unknowingly, forcing pressures on you to do other things with your life. But if you are happy... that honestly is all that matters.
Number three... BE YOU. Too cheesy? I'm not even sorry. Be yourself, do what makes you happy, ignore what everyone else has to say and, believe me, you can't go too wrong.
 |
| [taraburner.com] |
So, what have I learned...
I have learned that it is okay to not have a well paid, well respected, well sought after job after education. It is okay to work in retail, or other jobs that people may regard as being “average”. It is okay to DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. Feeling the pressure is hard, especially in your twenties. You don’t need to use your degree - you don’t even need to have a degree. You don’t need to follow the career paths that others have envisioned for you. You don’t need to follow a career path at all.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I know I wish I had someone telling these things to me.
Just live your life the way you want to, and make yourself happy. After all, life really is too short to worry. ❤️
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